☍ Oranges and Apples
“You should write a piece shitting on Reddit, Reddit is fucking stupid.”
“Reddit isn’t that stupid, it’s better than Bing.”
“What? You can’t compare Reddit to Bing, they’re different things. Apples and oranges.”
“You can compare apples and oranges, they’re both fruits.”
“Yeah, you can compare anything to anything that’s not the point of the fucking phrase.”
Or is it?
↑_(°w°)Ψ Ψ(°w°)_↑
– ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ ⅋ yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑
random_sampling
some things from the whole thing; excerpts
𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 1 We're all just following smellsA Thing That Happened Recently
Nothing is a coincidence
I was pissing in a urinal when a guy walked up to the stall next to mine. A quick and subconscious glance revealed an empty water bottle tucked under his arm; how unsurprising. Pissing with an empty water bottle is a lot like passing out in a dumpster with an empty whisky bottle.
Who knows why he was staying so hydrated? People hydrate for a lot of different reasons but they’re all responding to the same beacon - impulse. Whether they’re trying to keep their skin healthy, flush out toxins, or improve their cognitive function; every person is conducted by the same thing.
Even people with healthy habits are only doing it because they sort of want to. They’ve trained their impulses to follow researched-backed pathways. The facade of logic and reasoning wrapped around our thoughts are perfume on an unwashed neck, a thin layer of pesticide covering the dirt where eight billion worms wriggle in the direction of the nearest smell, following the pungent and seductive scent of the flesh of impulse. While I am seduced by things like processed sugar and bullet chess, others are lured by a full night’s sleep and early morning sunlight.
I thought about this as I left the bustling airport bathroom, my dripping hands gripping the handle of my multi-directional rolling carry-on, wetly. Wow, here we are again, way too high at the Denver International Airport with 20mg of edibles, an orange juice, and two Egg McMuffin®s in my stomach. 7:30am and I’ve all but written the day off. The other thing I felt in my stomach were spikes of nervous activity piqued by sharp breaths I barely drew. Feeling too ethereal in the airport is a specialty of mine.
Swinging my backpack from the pedestal of my shoulder, I thumbed around for a can of 6mg peppermint Zyns to placate the sum of my worries. My fingers brushed by the smooth matte cover of a book that’s been sitting idly on my nightstand for months. Squeeze Me. My grandmother gave it to me. We have a tradition in exchanging books, but only those uniquely appealing to the giver. Nevertheless, I was going to try to read it.
I don’t mind when people are fake ass bitches because all of human psychology is hot air anyway. A well known tidbit of popular psych details the mood benefits of faking a smile. If I can just pretend to be excited about something, and pretending actually makes me excited, then there’s nothing real about how I or anyone else feels at all. Why should I care if I am betrayed or reproached when I’m just a valley hollowed by glacial migration?
I saw the guy with the water bottle sitting in a window seat. About halfway through the flight, the people sitting in his row had to get up to let him access the bathroom. He still had the water bottle tucked under his arm, but this time it was a quarter full. That was a thing that happened recently.
— Maybe Theodore Roosevelt
pressure_censor
things that sense & get incensed by signals; shorts
AC is too cold.
A first world problem.
AC is too cold, and it’s accelerating climate change in my country
A third world problem.
Death Valley
Anyone who dies in the Death Valley had it coming for them.
Durag
"Are you wearing a durag?"
"No, it’s a tube."
"Oh, like boxer briefs for one-legged people?"
Why is ‘legged’ pronounced ‘leg—ged’, and not just ‘legd’?
convoluted_kernels
adding a thing to a thing; remixes
Methods and Approaches in Comparative Analyses of Oranges and Apples
A definitive list
𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 2 What's down there?- Whether or not they have genitalia —
- Update: Nope
- Number of Seeds —
- Where are orange seeds? Do oranges have seeds? How do they reproduce?
- Update: Oranges have seeds and they reproduce by having animalistic sex.
- Second update: How tf does ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ not know about orange seeds?
- Where are orange seeds? Do oranges have seeds? How do they reproduce?
- How soft the skin feels when you caress them gently against your chest —
- Update: They're both pretty good 💘
- Their political compass —
- Apples - Libertarian Left
- Oranges - Authoritarian Left
- Peeling —
- Peeling oranges is a shitty experience, Your fingernails get stuffed with kinda sticky rinds. At least it usually smells nice.
- Peeling apples also kinda blows, this is a draw.
- Their axes of alignment —
- Oranges - Chaotic Good
- Apples - Lawful Evil
- The space they occupy in the multidimensional economic landscape of supply and demand.
Positive frame of mind, good benediction for my journey ahead.
Someone like you can avoid the inordinate weight of life.
You don’t have to feel bad about feeling good.
Dude go have fun.
There’s all the time to worry in the world.
You think everyone's looking at you, but no one is paying attention
Wisdom from da uncle.
sound.wav
Look no further for all of your heart-wrenching midwest emo needs.
quotes.txt
“If you ever want me to do something just call it homework.”
— yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑
"“Oh my god this is like, no punctuation mad. That’s how you know people are really upset.”
— ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊, reading a long message
prompts.bib
- Cover
/imagine a small pile of dark red apples being held up on a balancing scale::0.3 dark red apples --v 6.0 - 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 1
/imagine eight billion worms wriggling around beneath the surface of the earth, an overwhelming wriggly mess of worms - 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 2
/imagine an apple and an orange wearing pants --style raw