It's hard to find the meaning of life.

So instead, most of us simply want to be seen.

And to be seen, we find some activity to do, so people can see us, and so we can kill time until our lives end, so we don't have to find the meaning of life.

Some of these activities include:

• Golf
• Pour Painting
• Custom Beards
• S'mores
• Ramen

Today, we seek to better understand the nature of these activities that fill our existential void.

▓▒░(°◡°)░▒▓▓▒░(°◡°)░▒▓

– ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ ⅋ yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑

Golf is Fucking Hard

And so are all those who play it

People always want to ask about the specs of golf clubs. They're curious to find the best configuration for their playing style, to hit the farthest and give the most forgiving whack. But, the truth is, it doesn't fucking matter. You might as well use rocks tied to the end of sticks. Golf is fucking hard and there's no amount of technical innovation that's going to make you good at it.

There is a condition afflicting most people, a condition preventing them from accepting that they are the cause of their own malaise. This phenomenon is known as little dick energy, and it is running rampant in Homo Sapiens populations around the globe.

Have you or a loved one ever been diagnosed with little dick energy? If not, you’ve probably never played golf before. Common symptoms include shanking a drive through some unsuspecting grandma’s window then looking down at the face of your club with a puzzled look, “How could you do this to me?” Other symptoms include owning a lifted truck or lambasting sex workers on social media.

Lots of people who can’t muster up the self deprecation required to get good at golf find satisfaction stupid ass hobbies that don’t require any actual skill, such as pour painting. I saw a video of a pour painter who decided to put an upside down solo-cup in the middle of their canvas before dumping $6000 worth of acrylic paint over it. When the paint had dried, they pulled the cup up and the circle of space under its rim was empty. That was about the most genius innovation that’s graced the pour painting community in years.

Bro the empty space, like, represents the amount of effort I’m willing to put into my craft.

Calling a pour painting dungeon a “studio” is disrespectful to actual creative spaces around the globe. A studio is a place where, at least a single solitary time, you’ve inspected one of your creations and thought, “This kind of blows.” I don’t think most pour painters are capable of having that thought because if they were, they’d be thinking it a lot.

I found this comment under a video from a famous pour painter and I feel like it sums the community up pretty nicely:

• ✅ Done nothing but watch pour painting YouTube videos for two days straight.
• ✅ Can’t find motivation to try something.

If there’s something positive to be said about the pour painting community, it’s that they’re the best at tic-tac-toe. However, they struggle with the game Scrabble unless it’s played with oversized letter blocks and limited to the words “cat” and “bat.” They also enjoy rock-paper-scissors but, having struggled with the concept of moving fingers independently, it’s more like a game of rock-paper.

The cool thing about learning a difficult skill is that it’s really an amalgamation of a lot of small skills. That’s why skills transfer between related activities; snowboarders can learn skiing quickly and most sculptors are good at drawing. When ex-tennis players found pickleball, it was a moment of brilliance. The same is true of pour painters who were coming from backgrounds in playing the triangle and knocking miscellaneous objects over. It was only a matter of time.

Pour painters and oblivious golfers have one thing in common, and that’s clowning themselves by spending a ton of money on something they suck at. The highest end TaylorMade driver costs $700 because a lot of technology has been built into it. The description says, “This driver's premium performance is fueled by 60 layers of carbon fiber strategically arranged to optimize energy transfer, promoting faster ball speeds over a large face area.” Some rich douche is currently searching the woods for the expensive driver they chucked in an angry display of domination over 60 whole layers of carbon fiber.

I thought the energy transfer was supposed to be optimized?

It wouldn’t have mattered if you were holding a golf ball seeking missile from the future, it could have been a driver sculpted for God by the angels in heaven, even if it had 120 layers of carbon fiber, it wouldn’t have mattered because you were holding it. Now, get rid of that little dick energy and either accept your mediocrity and have some fun or reject it and get better. I believe in you.

The Circle of Masculine Beauty

In search of something beautifully manly

Those suffering from little dick energy resort to expensive, easy, and bromidic hobbies like golf and pour painting to fill the gaping hole of their existence with a golf ball or acrylic paint.

But those with big dick energy search for something more unique. Something more demanding. Something that screams "I don't give a flying fuck."

And what could be a more noble mission for a big dick man than the search for beauty in themselves?

Beauty, in our primitive civilization, is often discussed in relation to the feminine. The 'beauty' industry largely caters to women, and young men are seen as not caring about their own physical beauty.

In the pursuit of gender equality, it is important for manly-kind to also develop their own aesthetic ideals.

Something uniquely masculine and beautiful.

Something beautifully manly.

And I have found that something in the circle beard:

Women can't do this, nor do they want to.

Thank you.

S’mores and Ramen

On the Extremism in the Extremely Simple

When I first came to the US, I went on a camping trip as part of my college orientation. At night, everyone gathered around the fire, as one does, and we began to make s'mores, as one does.

Having grown up in Korea, I never had a chance to make s'mores.

And boy, everyone was so fucking excited to share what they thought was the most profound life skill that they alone possess.

"You have to pick the right stick." "You should roast it slowly at a distance, so it becomes golden brown." "That takes a long time. It's better to just burn it and peel it off. It's faster and smokier." "You should put the chocolate on top. It tastes better that way." "No, put it at the bottom, it's more structurally sound."

Jesus fuck. I just need to heat it up and put it between crackers. It's easier than making a PB&J sandwich (which, incidentally, I had never made before by that point, but I instinctively knew to be true).

I instantly knew what this phenomenon was. I experienced it in Asia in the form of ramen. Every schmuck on the street thinks that they have some unique way to make ramen better.

"Keep the lid closed as it boils. You need to let the pressure build." "Boil the noodles, then take it out, and put it in another boiling water. That takes all the fried oil out." "Put kimchi juice in it for a deeper flavor."

Fucking jesus. You literally just boil noodles and put in powder. You can even put in power and boil noodles. It won't matter. At most, all this fancy tricks will result in 0.01~0.08% difference in flavor, which you can't even quantify in the first place.

This extremism is a common phenomena in every extremely simple recipe.

It's so fucking easy, that everyone wants to make it difficult, so they feel good about themselves. There's usually 2, maximum 3 steps involved, and they complicate the fuck out of each step, as if they deserve a Nobel Prize in Chemistry. And they take great pride in their method, and take great offense when someone thinks there's a better way to do it.

Don't be like these people. Don't seek some non-existent superiority in something so simple. So simple that in fact, the only uniquely surprising thing that can be done is to fuck it up.

Find something hard to cook, and become good at cooking it. People will be impressed. Or if that sounds too hard for you, find a way to fuck up s'mores or ramen more than anyone else. That's a more impressive way to showcase your ineptitude.

Stop telling me I should learn golf

You keep telling me that it's better late than never.

I’m too old now. I don’t want to twist my body in one direction over and over again. And I don't want to whack a small ball with a big stick, so it goes big distance into a small hole.

I also always sucked at sports that require precision, like billiards or just about everything else. I don't want to be humiliated like that after spending $5,000 just to get started.

And no, I don’t want all the social benefits of networking with your consulting firm partners. My partners consult on the meaning of life and smoke weed.

Pour paintings, dumplings, and tie-dyes

A comparison

At first glance, these three things do not appear to have anything in common.

If you look deeply, however, you will realize that they share a profound characteristic.

They are all so fucking easy that it's literally what people do with their kids.

If you do it without kids, for your own self meaning, unironically, you are a childish boor.

quotes.txt

June 15, 2024 6:57 PM (MDT)

@yichael: love the golf piece

@yichael: or pour painting hit piece

@yichael: or i guess just a hit piece on shitty sports/arts that have dunning-krugers with little dicks that deserve no resepct

pour painting is like a kindergarten exercise meant to be the basic introduction to creativity.

sound.wav

Drip Drop of Swag

Hot off the press

dude do you have a song that epitomizes the patheticness of pour painters?

i searched 'drip drop' and filtered for under 4 minutes uploaded in the last hour, and this is the only video.

what is a drip drop?

it's the sound paint makes when it drops on a canvas from a pour painter's pathetic bucket

drip and drop are onomatopoeias?

yes

dude this song sucks

prompts.bib

• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 1
  /imagine A psychedelic painting of an angry golfer throwing his golf club:: pour painting golf:: pour painting --v 6.0 --ar 4:3 --zoom 1.5
• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 2
  /imagine A psychedelic painting of an angry golfer throwing his golf club:: pour painting golf:: pour painting --v 6.0 --ar 4:3 --zoom 1.5
• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 3
  /imagine an abstract golf club that looks like a biology painting --v 6.0
• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 4
  /imagine Pour painting on a full size golf club:: Golf bag full of pour painting clubs --v 6.0
• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 5
  /imagine Pour painting on a full size golf club:: Golf bag full of pour painting clubs --v 6.0 --ar 4:3
• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 6
  /imagine Angry politicians making s'mores by the fire:: Throwing smores at each other --ar 4:3 --v 6.0
• 𝖆𝔯𝖙𝔦𝖋𝔞𝖈𝔱 7
  /imagine Angry professionals making ramen:: Throwing ramen at each other --ar 4:3 --v 6.0