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6 min read

𐃢 Innovation

𐃢 Innovation

Innovation.

Disruption.

Invention.

Discovery.

They are all words that sound so new and fresh and good that everyone wants them. So popular that it actually feels the opposite when you use it, especially when you use it for yourself.

So we will give it all to you:

  • Innovation that lets you run faster with no external energy
  • Discovery that will let you make inventions and become memorialized
  • And other big founder energy stuff.

(͑ ͑° ͜ ぀ ͑͑°)

– ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ β…‹ yΣ­π¦€βš‡β•β‘

P.S.

We cordially invite you to come and fuck around, in order for us to find out what we can do together.

We generate noise on Twitter (that's how I read the letter `x`): @noisenewsletter

We have a free-for-all noise dumpster on Discord: https://discord.gg/pzveqaU7

random_sampling

some things from the whole thing; excerpts

π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 1: The Inventor of Stationary Spring Coil Hump Machine, the 'Boing-Boing' (Spring of 1894)

How to run 50% faster without external energy

The bar in academia is lower than it's ever been

Check out this peer reviewed, published work of genius scientific insight: How to run 50% faster without external energy.

50k downloads and 14 citations

TLDR: Attach springs to your feet.

No seriously, that's it. Here's an actual diagram from the paper.

Who would have thought?

What kind of academic clickbait title is this? How is it that someone, mind you, a doctor, is spending their life decorating putting springs on your feet as genius scientific insight? How to run 50% faster without external energy: step 1 - put springs on your fuckin’ feet. I think the reviewers for this paper hadn’t seen a pair of these babies because if they had, they’d know someone beat the esteemed authors to this discovery.

The Beijing Olympics opening ceremony happened 12 years before this paper was published

Humans have been using springs for thousands of years but in the year 2020 AD, some researchers at the prestigious Vanderbilt University thought they were the first ones to think of putting them on your feet, i.e. the first thing people did with the first spring of all time. You don't need spring legs to jump to that conclusion.

The leg supplies energy in the air by compressing and increasing the stiffness of the spring.

Who the hell is sitting around reading these things like, β€œWow, the energy comes from the LEGS! How about that.”

Get it together, academia. Jesus Christ.

πŸ’‘
If you or someone you know is a struggling academic trying to get some results to publish, please refer them to the Journal of Universal Rejection. They will reject you and your springs-on-your-feet level stupid ideas, correctly.

convoluted_kernels

adding a thing to a thing; remixes

π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 2: Spring Theorist and the Inventor of Self-Destructive Spring Exoskeleton

How to memorialize yourself in science

And live forever rent free in people's minds

You may have heard of Punnett squares. From biology class. Do you remember?

Punnett square is a diagram used to predict the genotypes of particular cross-breeding experiment.

It's basically just a 2 by 2 square that you would create if you were trying to find every permutation.

Some people think that McKinsey consultants invented the 2x2 in 1917, but Reginald Punnett got the best of them by inventing it in 1905.

haha got em!!Reginald Crundall Punnett

You may have also heard of petri dishes. It's actually Petri dish, because it's named after Richard Julius Petri.

Simple. Elegant. Timeless. It's basically like iPhone.

According to Wikipedia, he was a doctor, who got his doctorate studying pee. And he worked as a military physician, after which he became a curator, of all places, at the museum of hygiene. While he was a physician, he was told to make bacteria, so he invented a glass dish – which memorialized him forever.

nice !!Julius Richard Petri

Although he didn't really invent or discover anything else, microbiologists around the world utter his name more than that of any Nobel laureates.

Later, archaeologists have later discovered glass ash trays and plates that dated before Petri, but it was too late, because Petri got em in 1877 and you can't get unfamous.

The lessons here are clear.

If you want to memorialize yourself into eternity, and have your name uttered for generations to come, you have to follow these simple steps:

  1. Find a very simple thing that everyone will understand easily.
  2. Name it after yourself and promote it.
  3. Be born earlier. The earlier, the more inventions and discoveries you can make.
πŸ”•
Did you know Taco Bell is named after its founder, Glen Bell? People usually think it was named after the audio hardware but it's NOT, it's fucking NOT. It's named after the person you fucking fuck.

pressure_censor

things that sense & get incensed by signals; shorts

π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 3: Anthem to Big Founder Energy

NEVER GET BETTER

NEVER GET OUTTA BETA

NEVER FIND ZEN

WHERE IS ZEN?

FIND ZEN

FIND THAT MOTHER FUCKER

ALWAYS QUESTION YOUR HABITS AND EXISTENCE

WE WILL ALWAYS BE IN AN INTERESTING PERIOD OF OUR LIVES

π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 4: deep ass thoughts

A thought I am having with closed eyes

Language exists as a sound.

Preferential Treatment in Non-Monogamous Relationships

I was seeing this girl a while back and we weren't exclusive. I wanted to take it to the next level and I was a bit insecure about her seeing other people. She reassured me, "I only call one person 'baby' at a time."

Isn't that a little less personal than literally fucking someone?

🐣
You can't call more than one person 'baby' with good grammatic form if you are seeing them separately. You would have to say 'babies'.
π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 5: meditation on atomic thongs on atomic bongs

The Atomic Thong

It was very large.

In its beauty.

And the bush.

It was an explosion.

It was singular.

Afterwards, I took a hit of

The Atomic Bong

The atomic bong is like the atomic bomb but holds more gas. Hopefully it holds less gas than the atomic thong.

quotes.txt

β€œGenerational conflict is part of the evolution of humans.”

-- ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊
β€œReligious sexual repression was the original birth control. Before they had pills, they had to scare it out of people.”

-- yΣ­π¦€βš‡β•β‘
β€œFor all we know we could be a drop of piss on the tip of a dick, about to be shaken into a toilet.”

-- yΣ­π¦€βš‡β•β‘

sound.wav

Ay it's the weekend! Have a little dance session in your mind. Or in your house, whatever. Just make sure you forward this email to 10 people you know in 24 hours because otherwise they will be discovered dead through an innovative homicide mechanism invented by distrupters like us.

prompts.bib

  • Cover: The Petri World
    /blend https://s.mj.run/AvjKkq5QNO0 https://s.mj.run/Io2uMc1hmco (Earth in a petri dish --v 6.0 --style raw --sref https://s.mj.run/XJKVwou_eSo) https://s.mj.run/x4EE5lwEVZ8 (Earth in a petri dish:: magnetic, shimmering, crystal::0.2 --v 6.0 --style raw --stylize 250 --sref https://s.mj.run/XJKVwou_eSo) https://s.mj.run/j9iCzahiXYc || Vary (Subtle) || crystalline earth in a petri dish --style raw --v 6.0
  • π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 1 Inventor of Springs
    /imagine A stupid researcher discovering a spring coil --v 6.0 --chaos 0.3
  • π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 2 Spring Theorist
    /imagine A stupid researcher discovering a spring coil --v 6.0 --chaos 0.3
  • π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 3 Beta Monk
    /imagine Never get out of beta. Find zen. WE WILL ALWAYS BE IN AN INTERESTING PERIOD OF OUR LIVES --chaos 0.3 --v 6.0
  • π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 4 Tree Daddy
    /imagine NEVER GET BETTER NEVER GET OUTTA BETA NEVER FIND ZEN WHERE IS ZEN? FIND ZEN FIND THAT MOTHER FUCKER ALWAYS QUESTION YOUR HABITS AND EXISTENCE WE WILL ALWAYS BE IN AN INTERESTING PERIOD OF OUR LIVES --v 6.0
  • π–†π–—π–™π–Žπ–‹π–†π–ˆπ–™ 5 Storm of the Mind
    /imagine NEVER GET BETTER NEVER GET OUTTA BETA NEVER FIND ZEN WHERE IS ZEN? FIND ZEN FIND THAT MOTHER FUCKER ALWAYS QUESTION YOUR HABITS AND EXISTENCE WE WILL ALWAYS BE IN AN INTERESTING PERIOD OF OUR LIVES --v 6.0

βž¦βœ‰β™₯

do you even have a friend who would enjoy this?

accept challenge