Good heavens, it's been a long time since the last edition of noise.

There, we took a deep dive into hell, from the personal account of a hellish life of Fat L's, to the full tour of hell throughout history that ended in a personal hell that is in you.

Although it's been a long time, it's nothing compared to the eternity of hell. It's literally been no time, since in religious and mathematical terms, {long time} / {infinity} = 0.

And you know what's just as eternal hell but infinitely opposite? Yeah, let's go check that place out.

꧁ᬊᬁ꧂

– ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ ⅋ yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑

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Reflections from a Life of Big W’s

Annoyingly wholesome

I open my eyes from the blissful oblivion of sleep. The morning sun lights my bedroom. Out the window, lush trees sway with the gentle breeze, providing shade to the ordinary people filling the lively streets.

I don't know what it is, but I think today may be my last day on this beautiful earth.

I slowly make my way down to the kitchen, my barefoot on the cherrywood stairs I so loved all these years since I painstakingly renovated the house. Cool to touch, a little soft from the years of wear. All the steps I've taken up and down.

I've had the good fortune of not dying from a sudden illness. It would've been hard on my beloved family and friends to not have a chance to say goodbye. We had a chance to do that last year, when I hosted a celebration of life. The memories put a smile on my face.

I start making my favorite coffee from a local roaster. Boil water to the right temperature, grind the beans to the right size, and pouring it at the right pace. The countless drip, like the countless cups I've savored over the years. The daily rituals that decorated the days good and bad, that filled my heart with the small joys.

I wipe the droplets of water off the counter. I know my partner will appreciate it, even though they're not around any more. They have never noticed it anyway, just like I never noticed how I became a better person for them.

We forget to cherish the invisible work that others do for us, but it is the act of service itself that brings joy. An unnoticed act that is our ode to our beloved. My mother would be proud of the clean person I've become. All the invisible work she has done for me.

In those rare moments when I noticed those invisible service, I am glad I got to thank those people. Just as important is that I got to apologize to those people who I didn't always realize I've hurt. We are supported by everyone, as we fumble our way through life. To be able to express our gratitude and apology is a gift that we can give each other.

As I sip the delectable coffee, I gaze the photos that decorate the shelf. Photos of my wife and kids, who has loved me despite how imperfect I have been. I'm glad to be able to leave some of the money I saved, and that they're happy with the will I've written. Photos with my colleagues, who have supported the venture we have built together, which allowed all of us to be able to do the same.

I'm satisfied with the work I did in my time here, that it will be carried forward, and I'm grateful that I'm able to give back some of what I was given. What a gift to have found a profession that ignited my passion. What a joy to have been allowed to travel, work, live, and enjoyed all those little moments.

Our time here is infinitesimal, yet those moments are infinite.

After the infinitesimal day filled with infinite moments, I am here writing this. I'll slip into the comfort of sleep, into the timeless peace.

If this is the last day of my life, I have no regrets.

When I open my eyes, I find myself in an unfamiliar place.

Is this heaven?

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Remember the Ten Commandments!

Remember to keep holy the... ten commandments. And the eleventh one, which is to not question how Google counts.

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Top 10 things to do in Heaven

A Travel Guide

1. Commit Adultery in a 72 virgin orgy

Thou shalt not commit adultery

You don’t have to be a suicide bomber to get your 72 virgins. Due to Heaven’s new interfaith exchange program, Heaven residents of all Abrahamic religions can now cash in on any promised luxury across every scripture* regardless of martyrdom.

You might ask, what heavenly delight is so alluring that it actually motivates people to blow themselves up in spectacles of terror? That’s right, 72 virgins all to yourself. Unfortunately, if you happen to arrive at the virgin chambers during a geopolitically unstable time, you might find an excessively long queue. Good thing you have eternity.

*Terms and conditions apply. Scriptures must be sanctioned by God™ and not contain any references to Joel Osteen.

*If Heaven exists, I will not be going there. But I may be going to Jannah.

2. Fuck around on Sabbath

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy

Only one way to find out.

3. Murder someone and send them to hell

Thou shalt not kill

Heaven now offers a state of the art damned soul hunting dome. An extension of purgatory, the dome offers a wide selection of beastly forms and supernatural weaponry to ensure every visitor gets the most bang for their buck. Heaven residents are invited to descend on the material plane and end the liminal adventures of as many future Hell residents as they damn well please. Slice, dice, and chomp your way to the leaderboards by executing infidels and cement your place as the most vicious predator of them all.

2024 Winter Hunting Season is sponsored by Noah’s Arks:

If you can’t fit every animal on this mothafuckin’ boat, then it ain’t Noah’s Arks.
Noah’s Arks: We’ve got the wood!

4. Tell your parents how you really feel

Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother

Trust me, we know you’ve been holding it in. All those years your parents have been waiting for you up here and all you could think about was how savagely you wanted to tell them off if you ever saw their asses again. Well, lucky you! You bet on the pony called Christianity and found out that all the Go-Gurt in the world resides in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Let it all out because you earned it, buster.

5. Join a local cult and worship alter-gods

Thou shalt not have other gods before me

Newly admitted heaven residents are often lost without a draconian tax scam holding their decisions hostage with the promise of eternal paradise. You wanted the cookie and you got the cookie, you worked for it, but what will you do once that jar shatters?

The answer is simple— find a better cookie. Heaven offers a wide range deities and spirits to whip your ass into shape with the threat of even eternaler, hotter, deeper pits of Hell to control your thoughts and feelings.

6. Check out your neighbor's hot wife, loyal servant, trusty ox, fat ass, and some other miscellaneous belongings

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.

There’s no harm in taking a peek.

7. Take an art class – Drawing God in Any Format

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image

Pointillism, abstract, baroquem, dadaism, pop art, photorealism; there’s never been so many options for drawing God. Through one of Heaven’s guided art classes, you can learn to express your opinions about our Lord more deeply and beautifully. The cartooning class is especially popular.

8. Take an art class – from its owner

Thou shalt not steal

The fuck do they know anyway?

9. Go meet your heroes and idolize them

Thou shalt not commit idolatry

All men are created equal but it ends there. Once created, some people become more than others, and these are people worth idolatrizing unto. Find your dead, morally good by Christian standards, heroes waiting for you and fawn over them in Heaven.

10. If you get caught by heavenly authorities – bear false witness

Thou shalt not bear false witness

When we found out that cops' favorite posthumous activity was still being fucking stupid and harassing people on the streets, we weren't allowed to say no. If one of these dough brained fuckwads gets to questioning you on the street, I promise they will be none the wiser if you lie straight to their faces.

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Heaven FAQs

Why is it called Sodomy?

Like, was Sodom just known for having wild gay sex parties? Like, anal?

‼️⚖️🪽 biblical ✝️ SA 🔹 trigger 🔫 warning ⚠️💯‼️

The Bible does not overtly mention anal sex. The account of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19 is often used as the basis for declaring anal sex a sin. In that account, a group of men sought to gang rape two angels who had taken the form of men. The reasonable presumption is that the men of Sodom wanted to have forcible anal sex with the angels. The men’s homosexual lust is obvious, but anal sex is not explicitly mentioned in the passage. The words sodomy and sodomize come from this biblical account. Sodomy is, literally, “the sin of Sodom.” The strict understanding of sodomy, based solely on the events of Genesis 19, would have to be “forcible anal sex, with one male homosexually raping another male anally.”

So, sodomy might be referring to an angel orgy? Also, why did those angels take a form of men?

Source (the best URL ever): https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-anal-sex-sodomy.html

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quotes.txt

“You’re a monochromatic ass bitch.”

— ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊

"MDMA taught me that joy is the thief of comparison."

— yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑

[on the subject of the word, “mice”]
“I feel like that word should have been mouses.”

— ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊

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sound.wav

Lealani goes insanely hard dawg check it out dawg you won't regret it dawg.

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prompts.bib

• cover:
  model: gpt-4o
prompt: heaven, but aspect ratio is 1:1
• big W:
  model: gpt-4o
prompt: Image of an old person feeling gratitude, serenity, and joy at the end of their life.
• nony's
  model: gemini
prompt: advertising billboard::0.4 2024 Winter Season is sponsored by Noah’s Arks: If you can’t fit every animal on this mothafuckin’ boat, then it ain’t Noah’s Arks. Noah’s Arks: We’ve got the wood!:: --c 100
• other johnsons
  lost in infinitestimal infinite time