Every social media platform reflects a part of our psychosocial identities

‌‌I once heard someone on the radio say something like that.

Each one scratches different psychosocial and emotional itches we have.

It made sense.

Facebook reflects our desire to connect with our friends and family.

Instagram reflects our desire to have a beautiful life, validated by the public.

Twitter reflects our desire to talk shit about some stupid person on the street.

YouTube reflects our desire to be relaxed, mindless, and vegetative in private.

TikTok reflects our desire to do that quickly in the bathroom.

I recently read this headline:

Let’s Face It, LinkedIn Might Be the Best Social Network Right Now

CEO Ryan Roslansky lays out some new features on the way for the professional networking site, including a no-politics button.

The Wall Street JournalJoanna Stern

‌I didn't need to read the article to quietly agree with it while puking in my mouth.

It makes sense. LinkedIn reflects our desire to succeed in our careers and be popular at networking events.

It's a public square like Twitter, but it's actually like an office space so you keep the politics and personal shit out and behave professionally.

They're just sharing their best moments as they do on Instagram, but by thanking other people.

It's like YouTube and TikTok, but it feels like you're technically not wasting time.

I know it's useful. I know I should be more active on LinkedIn. I know it could lead to serendipitous opportunities and insights. I know I could even end up helping other people. I know I should ask you to add me on LinkedIn.

But fuck LinkedIn. I know we all secretly hate it. It's stressful to be on it. To say we love it is like hanging a poster that says "do what you love, love what you do".

That shit is 2003. It's 2023. We've gone through work-life balance, work-from-home, quit-quitting and we know career ladders, personal brands, and late-stage capitalism.

And we know we all have to be in it. We have to hate-scroll through all the people being successful and happy and be inspired because we need that money, that fulfillment, that vainglory of our vocation.

This week, we scream against our fate to be the cog in the machine, so we can get out there and give people a firm digital handshake and make a good impression.

¯(°_o)/¯

ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ ⅋ yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑

‌

If I get a job at LinkedIn in the future, then I have failed.‌‌‌‌- yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑

Unveiling the Façade of Professional Networking: Post-contemporary Antidisestablishmentarian Manifesto for the Downfall of LinkedIn‌‌

Fuck you LinkedIn you stupid piece of garbage. You whack ass shit ass company. Fuck you so fucking much I want to rip your eyeballs out and use them as bowling balls to hit tiny bowling pins. LinkedIn has no place on this planet because it is literal trash, the most gutturally disgusting wasteland where every shred of human connection goes to die.

If the world was anything like LinkedIn, nobody would know each other. Everyone would be living in their heads, playing a silent game of professional competition. Each interaction, each thought, would be guided by the principle of projecting yourself forward in front of the crowd. Nobody would be able to breach the veil of true connection because empathy is desiccated by ascendancy.

LinkedInfluencers are the second grossest thing next to eating literal dog shit. These professional go-getters gather a following by appealing to the most asinine forms of empathy,

Today, my entire family died, then I tripped and fell into a canyon and my dog took a piss on me from the cliff edge. My wife broke up with me and my children are all fucked up from the COVID lockdown. In a moment of desperation, I called my boss and asked if I could take the morning off. She said, “Yes, of course you can!” This is how ALL bosses should treat their employees.

Then in the comments:

Wow, every workplace should be like this!

👏👏👏 Bravo to your boss, showing a little bit of DECENCY.

Like, how low is the bar actually? These hollow robots are doing the digital equivalent of Victorian royal politicking. In their world, empathy is only a vessel to gain professional respect. Nobody who has ever offered a lame spreadsheet to recently laid-off tech workers has ever done so without the incentive of likes and shares. It’s a symbiotic relationship really; I give you this stupid fucking spreadsheet, and you give me tons of digital professional clout 🤝. What would you do for these empty faces if you could actually see them? Probably nothing.

We need more people like YOU, who actually care about the unemployed. Thanks for the spreadsheet and resume tips, king, I’m gonna get a job now for sure.

I am formally calling for the downfall of LinkedIn. In the spirit of communist post-contemporary antidisestablishmentarianism, or for the love of God, please plant bombs in the trestles of this plastic empire. Pack up the LinkedInfluencers into a small spaceship and let them form history’s lamest company at the furthest reaches of the visible universe. We have no need for false prophets here, the time to act is now. Stand tall!

[Feature Request] #42069

If I was visiting some city, I used to search on Facebook to see if I knew anyone there. Find a friend you forgot about, message them, meet up. But that gradually stopped working, as people stopped updating anything on Facebook.

So now I search LinkedIn. Everyone updates their latest jobs and locations. I even sent a connection request to a close friend who was real enough that I never added him on LinkedIn.

Back in 2010, I used to meet people and add them on Facebook first, before giving them my phone number. Phone numbers felt too personal. It was a private thing you offered to people selectively. It was a step function to the next stage evolution of the relationship.

But giving out Facebook changed quickly, as I realized that I must seem like an insane person, based on my photos, my posts, and god forbid, my notes. Adding someone I just met on Facebook would be basically getting naked in front of them and asking them to smell my body.

Then in grad school, everything was on LinkedIn. I'd be introduced to someone at a loud bar, shout at each other about what we're studying, until someone says "can I add you on LinkedIn?" and slowly end the conversation, move on to the next person, collect another connection, just in case they turn out to be useful in the future. Just like I used to scroll through the photos of that new friend I barely knew.

These days, I like giving out my number and sending some SMS with some MMS. "Can I get your number?" makes my voice tremble in trepidation to say it and makes my heart sing of anticipation to hear it.

I don't want to look at people's life histories. I want to meet them where they are today, start a conversation, and write a new relationship together. All I really need is a contact list with where they live and a calendar that tells me when their birthdays are.

So it would be great if LinkedIn could have a birthday calendar integration. Thank you.

Look at these happy famous people

I can't.

A reflection on the submarine that sank

It's unfortunate that they died. No matter the circumstance, death is always a tragedy.

According to the New York Times, the submarine was controlled literally with a video game controller. It was trying to maximize profit. It feels wrong to say it, but it would also be wrong to say there is no irony in that.

And some people went off on social media about it. Some people giggled with schadenfreude, while others scolded them: "Think about their family!" To which his stepson said:

It feels wrong to joke about people dying.

How could we be so crude and mean? Back when we were closer as a community and a nation, before we were all divided by the wealth gap and political chasms, we must have had more love and respect, and empathy for our fellow human beings.

Or not, according to these old newspapers after the Titanic sank. Some of these are actually hilarious, check out the thread.

You are probably too lazy to click so here's a screenshot of the first few.

So I do feel bad, but I'm also just going to validate my little schadenfreude too. It's just who we are. I acknowledge both of them as real. I don't suppress the twisted little dark side. I send them my acceptable and sincere thoughts and prayers, and DM the memes to my friends.

Anyway, thank you, another random incident that became news for some reason. Thank you for capturing the public imagination.

‌

Ephemerality - A Poem

Love, life, and helium balloons

They start out ripe and end up pruned

Wrinkled skin and damp wet doom

Tunnel vision of the temporal broom

The Seatman of the Board

The seatman of the board is similar to the chairman but operates slightly less specifically.

Icarus

I don’t think the guy who wrote the story of Icarus had ever climbed a mountain before.

A note on gardening

Every time I see an oversize load truck carrying a 107 meter wind turbine blade, I pray it will be planted into the ground so that a new turbine might grow from the seed.‌

propaganja_news

• Local poor bastard owes 5 million in taxes on Bitcoin he forgot the password to - Unable to forget the password for the IRS
• LinkedIn added its social media feature in 2012, which is after Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.
• This demonstrates how old people are actually a good target market and know how to use the internet. They know how to behave, and they are not hot.

quantized_quotes

"Globally, we’re approaching a 40% obesity rate‌‌‌‌"
"Aw great! Just a little more of everyone to love"

– Natalie Connor

Just because it's money laundering, doesn't mean it's not art.

‌‌‌‌– Allen Meyer

Bookmarks are where useful things go to die.‌‌‌‌

– ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊

sound.wav

When life in the concrete jungle becomes too much to bear, you just gotta get out to the ocean. Take a breather. Clear your head. And don't think about how cold the ocean is, or how life is like navigating through an ocean of people. So here's a song about the ocean.

source_prompts

1. Profile photo of a typical LinkedInfluencer‌
   /imagine The Vainglory of LinkedIn
2. WE ARE HAVING THE BEST PROFESSIONAL TIME OF OUR LIVES /imagine A stock photo of professional networkings exchanging bullshit
3. Post-contemporary Antidisestablishmentarian Manifesto for the Downfall of LinkedIn‌‌: The MovieThe Battle Against LinkedIn‌‌
   /imagine The Vainglory of LinkedIn