The human body is an inefficient vessel for consciousness. Although the organic matter underneath the brain stem is precise and functional, its only purpose is to feed the mind with necessary supplies: food, water, and information. We have to pass external molecules through our bodies in order to glean useful chemicals for these processes, however, a lot of useless chemicals come with them in sidecars. This is where bathrooms come in.

The bathroom is a testament to the inefficiency of the body; the body is bad, the body is not good. Bathrooms take up a significant amount of space in houses. They get grimy, they can smell bad, they leech on the beautiful rolling ball of chemical reactions that is your mind. Bathrooms aren't worth their weight in sawdust and neither is that sack of organs you carry under your cerebellum.

In this issue, we reflect on bathrooms and the risks they pose to the singularity.

ヾ(・ω・`)ノ ヾ(´・ω・)ノ゛

– ƴΐ⍧ի⍲e⌊ ⅋ yӭ𐦤⚇⍕⍑

Follow My Journey

Hey guys! Welcome to my page. This is day one of preparing my body for separation every day until I finally reach mitosis. Follow along as I rearrange my organs, fundamentally alter my body’s chemistry, and redefine the body hacking movement by literally making a clone of myself.

Since I was a kid, I have always dreamt of cloning myself by splitting my own body in half. I’m done letting other people live out my dreams while I carry out the motions of a life I didn’t mean to create. It’s time for me to step up and realize my potential, and I’m going to bring YOU along with me.

Cloning yourself by dividing your organic matter has several advantages, but there’s only one real reason I would ever do this; because if you have double the body, you can commit to double the grindset. By dialing your skills and locking in with your clone, you will gain wealth and prosperity twice as fast.

I’m doing this for money and fame just like all the other people on your little feed. All the influencers and content creators are frying your brain receptors for a ticket to suck on the teets of the big tech companies. How does that make you feel? It makes me feel like a pawn in a game. No more though, I will be unstoppable as soon as I have achieved mitosis.

I will be posting every single day. Every. Single. Day. Until I finally split my body in half. You will watch as I carefully sort my organs and drink gross chemicals on a daily basis while formulating a plan for how to get rich after I have two of myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is only the beginning. To all the haters I’ve had in the past - watch it. You never know what might happen when you fuck with a man with four hands and four guns. Let’s do this.

On The Differential Hygienic Sensitivity

You think you're clean?

I remember back in college when I went to someone's dorm room with a group of friends. There were no place to sit in her bedroom, so I sat on their bed. Immediately, she politely asked if I can not sit on it, saying in a self-deprecating tone that she is a germaphobe, haha.

I thought to myself that that was strange. I've never seen anyone like that before.

But as I grew older, I came to understand that everyone is strange. As in, everyone has their own hygienic sensitivity to different things.

Some people think farts have aerosolized particles of poop dust and poisonous gas.

Some people think peeing in the shower is corrosively gross, whereas others think it is clean because it is instantly washed out.

Some people think eating is a grotesque thing to witness, whereas others never even thought about it.

Some people cannot bear to talk about poop or pee when they are eating, as if they cannot stop graphically envisioning eating it, and their gag reflex kicks in. Others are happy to talk about it even as they eat curry.

Some people think wiping their ass with dry toilet paper is ruefully inadequate, leaving balls of paper and poop hanging on your anal hair. Others never even thought about it.

These kinds of hygienic preferences isn't science. It's an art. A strong subjective sensation, expressed in the real world through behaviors. It's a philosophy. A roughly objective-sounding theories of how the world works.

Scientifically speaking, though, the filthiest things in your bathroom are:

• Toothbrush
• Smartphone
• Towels

I would've provided graphic statistics to make my case, but I am old enough to realize that ignorance is bliss. Old enough to respect that people have their own differential hygienic sensitivity, and know that they don't really matter in the grand scheme of life.

What matters is that you think you're clean. And if you aren't actually clean, well, scientifically-speaking, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Deeply Personal Questions about Your Bathroom Habits

Regarding the things that no one taught you

We learn most of our habits growing up from the people around us. We learn how to clean our homes from our parents. We learn tips and tricks from our teachers. We pick up phrases and mannerisms from our friends.

But there are some things that no one teaches us. Things that we just learn by ourselves. The prime example of this is our bathroom habits.

We learn how to do things in the bathroom in solitude, isolated from the prying eyes of the world. We learn them by ourselves and those habits harden without any intervention.

For this reason, I came to be fascinated by the deeply personal bathroom habits of people. Things that we were doing that no one ever questioned.

Here is a set of deeply personal questions about your bathroom habits:

1. How do you stand in the shower? (Facing the shower head, with your back against it, or facing the wall/curtain)
2. What is your order of operations when it comes to showering? (Shampoo, Conditioner, Face Wash, Body Wash)
3. Do you pee in the shower?
4. When you are wiping your ass, do you neatly fold or gently crumble the toilet paper?

Have you ever shivered when you peed?

Like, when you pee after holding it for 2 hours in the movie theater. Some may say yes, others may say 'what are you talking about?' I realized this when I mentioned it to a female friend once, who was absolutely confused about what I was saying.

Well, this is a real phenomenon experienced by some people, so you should learn about it, in the name of building empathy for diverse human experience.

The medical term is Post-micturition Convulsion Syndrome (PMCS). Here's a news article that explains:

According to Sheth, our parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for “rest-and-digest” functions) lowers the body’s blood pressure “to initiate urination.” One leading theory behind the shudder is that peeing can unleash a reactive response from the body’s sympathetic nervous system (which handles “fight or flight” actions).

On the cellular level, the body is theoretically flushed with catecholamines (which you know better as chemicals like dopamine or hormones like adrenaline). Those are dispatched to help restore or maintain blood pressure, Sheth says. But the microscopic energy bullets “may also trigger the shiver reflect.”

This theory, the author says, best explains “the gender difference as men pee standing up and, therefore, would be more prone to feeling the effects of a lower blood pressure, thereby triggering this exaggerated sympathetic nervous system response.

“Anecdotally,” he adds, “I don’t believe I have ever experienced the post-pee shivers while sitting down.” This would suggest that women don't tend to get them.

So, PMCS may be a biological gender thing. But you can overcome anything. If you're a biological female, why not try next time, for the worthy cause of gender equality, to pee while standing?

How To Brush Your Teeth for Longer

Have someone next to you also brushing their teeth. This will kindle a subtle yet strong sense of competition, grit, morality, and responsibility within you, making you brush your teeth at least 30% longer than you usually do.

Or, just get an electronic toothbrush with a timer.

The Modern Bathroom is a Misnomer

Most people (i.e., as in more than 50%) prefer to take showers over baths. Here's a random survey result.

Reflecting this trend, some modern bathrooms come with a shower booth instead of a bath tub. You know, those glassed-off stalls.

If a bathroom does not have a bath tub, should it still be called a bathroom? No. It may have been an accurate description in the past, but now it is a misnomer.

Therefore, we must rename the traditional bathrooms to a name that befits our modern times. It could be called "shower rooms". Or "sink rooms". Or "toilet rooms". Or "defecation chambers".

sound.wav

Allegedly smart kids at Stanford speculate that everyone pees in the shower.

prompts.bib

• Cover - A healthy toilet microbiome
  /imagine a magical mystical toilet:: a psychedelic toilet:: a colorful toilet in the clouds --v 5.1 || inpaint remix (strong) || a creepy portal into the nether, a dark and swirling void --v 5.2
• 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖙 1 - I will split my body in half
  /imagine a man filming himself splitting his body in half via mitosis using an iphone --v 6.0 --c 5
• 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖙 2 - An investigation for science
  /imagine a scientist with a clipboard carefully examining a bathroom --v 6.0